so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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