Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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