i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
