twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
