Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
