I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
