How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
