Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
