pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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