I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
