We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
