So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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