it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
