I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
