I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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