I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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