What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
