Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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