I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
