Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
