not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
