well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
