You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I could fuck to npr.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
