Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
