i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
