he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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