I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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