Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
