You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
