We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
