I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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