if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
