I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
