I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
