What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
