she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
