is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
