At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
