I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
