The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
