I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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