How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
