We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
