Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
