Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
