Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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