they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
