I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
