Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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