The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
