What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
