This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
