I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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