I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
false alarm. still invincible.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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