keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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