i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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