on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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